George

   Although I was taught about God at an early age, I never really knew him as a child. Oh, I would pray and occasionally my family took me to church. However, something was missing and it was hard to love a God I could not see feel or touch. I remember praying and asking God to help me find him. Though I prayed to God often he seemed very distant and I could only hope he was hearing me. Until one day in my pre-teen years I went to my aunt Jackie's church to visit their Sunday school. To be honest I can't remember much of the service except that near the end they played music and while the kids were singing helpers talked to any kid who wanted to talk.  I stood in the front row and felt a strong draw to the door ahead of me as if I was being urged inside yet nobody was around talking to me or touching me. I knew I needed to go in. getting up the courage I walked through the door and inside I met a woman who sat at a table. She was very kind and simply let me read her Bible. she pointed to various scriptures and let me read the pages. For the first time the scriptures came alive inside me and I believed and felt a warm presence inside me. I asked the woman if it was the Holy Spirit. She replied that she did not know. But I knew, for he guided me and I knew Him. It was the same spirit that had drawn me into this room. The LORD works in mysterious ways. For the first time I knew Jesus and no longer did he seem a million miles away but was right there inside me. Many people say there is no proof of God but that is only because they never met him or they would never consider saying that again.  I left with a heart full of joy and a feeling of great freedom.   After meeting with the Pastor on another day I agreed to baptism and joined the church.  But we didn't really go there that long and I didn't read my bible or grow spiritually. 

  I went into my teen years knowing God but not knowing how to live life his way and therefore missed out on all his blessings. Living life my way and the way of my friends I soon sought friends and girlfriends instead of seeking to continue my relationship with God. I wasn't popular and wanting to fit in I ran with the wrong crowd. At first I didn't do anything bad just hung with the kids who did. I liked feeling the feeling of belonging and thought I had real friends.  Later those same friends started wanting me to do drugs fearing I would tell on them if I didn't.  I told them NO, I preferred being straight.  So, they tricked me. One night while riding with a few friends they started smoking marijuana with the windows rolled up.  A funny feeling came over me and I began to laugh hysterically and felt really funny.  Getting high without smoking drugs directly never occurred to me. It didn't kill me or make me sick and actually felt good the first time. So, I made the great mistake of thinking it was safe and I could finally get past that huge hurdle to win popularity. I began drugs and alcohol every chance I got. This gave me a huge escape from my parents divorce and troubled school and home life. Slowly I did more and more drugs to get that euphoric feeling once again. The Spirit of God spoke to me and told me I was on the wrong path but I didn't know how to get off this road. I tried stopping the drugs many times but I went through terrible withdrawal symptoms such as pains in my stomach, headaches, etc.  I even started smoking so when I didn't have drugs it kept the withdrawal symptoms away. My school problems got drastically worse. Skipping school, stealing and damaging property. Things I never even considered before. But when I was high there were few limits. The more drugs I did the harder it was to hear God and more I listened to the kids I hung out with.  My principal asked my mother to take me out of school stating I was one of the worst kids in his high school. My sister told me I was the reason for all my families problems. My mother didn't know what to do with me. I started using drugs to get up in the morning as I partied a lot at night. Once I made a mistake and mixed uppers with a downer someone gave me. Sitting in class my heart began pounding so hard it felt like it would burst from my chest. I wanted to tell the teacher only a few feet away but was so afraid of getting in trouble I decided to chance it and see if I would live. I survived but learned nothing as I continued to use more drugs. Not long after I overdosed again this time on speed.  I started passing out and coming to over and over only seconds apart.  Nobody was home and I was alone. I called the fire department for help thinking they wouldn't get me in trouble like the police or hospital might. The fireman was very cruel and after asking me a few questions offered no help and told me to call someone else or wait for my family to get home. The drugs felt as if they were eating a hold in my stomach. All night I suffered and for days afterwards. As a result my mom sent me to a hospital for help. But I was admitted for depression. The doctors soon caught on to my drug problem and started having me attend classes and kept me there for a month. After being off the drugs for so long I began to see how slow my reflexes and mind had become. The withdrawal pains were back and I was determined to stop the drugs. After getting out of the hospital I was grounded to my house and school. I was only straight three weeks before I relapsed with some kids at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

  A Children's pastor came to visit me. I didn't want to see him and couldn't wait till he left. He asked me if I was a Christian? Yes, I replied telling him how I received Christ into my heart.  He asked me if we were both Christians why weren't we the same?  I said what do you mean? He pointed to my long hair and drug style, the fact I had become a dungeon master from the popular game, and many other sins, but most of all the main difference was he loved God and I said I loved God but my actions didn't.  I told him I would give up being a dungeon master and try to stop drugs but that was it. He pulled a plant over that mom had on the coffee table. He began to touch each leaf and give it a name of one of my sins. Then he said words I couldn't forget no matter how hard I tried. 

  "Your willing to give up this leaf and that leaf but your not willing to deal with the real problem the root", he said.

The root is your sin and it separates you from God's will. Like a sword through my heart he had hit the mark and that truth had a bitter taste.   I began to cry out to Jesus and ask him to save me from the drugs and this life. For three days my bed soaked with tears as I asked God to take away my long hair, devilish music, leather jacket and other sins. If he would help me I promised to serve him.  After three days I was taken to a long term rehabilitation center. Little did I know a person from a church had come to see my mother and suggest this place could help me. Again God works in mysterious ways with perfect timing.  I went into the building not knowing where I went and suddenly was surrounded by several large guys. they moved me into a room where they took my weapon, leather jacket and gave me new clothes to wear.  I spent seven and a half months in this rehab. But I learned to get sober and seek God again. They cut my hair and one by one took everything I had asked God to take from me. I used to sleep in a closet there and sat on a hard wood bench all day where we learned to quit blaming others and look in ourselves and see ourselves as we really were. I wanted to die and contemplated suicide. I even thought if I hurt someone else they would send me to juvenile hall which had to be better. But as I sat on a wood bench in the middle of this rehab ready to end it all something wonderful happened. Jesus touched me, His spirit once again speaking to me and told me everything would be okay. Surprised God would even want me after all I had done wrong but God once again showed his great mercy. This gave me the strength and will to work hard and learn how to get off drugs. I never had one withdrawal pain ever after Christ touched me. In fact even today I can't stand the smell of alcohol or marijuana. My mothers insurance ran out and I got out early only spending half the time I should have in rehab getting free after seven and a half months.

It was hard going back to school even though my mom let me choose a Christian school. I didn't know how to act or who I was straight without any cool image to hide behind. But step by step I began reading the bible and God grew me dramatically. Slowly I began to walk the Christian walk that I should have started after receiving the Holy Spirit but put off the walk so long.  My eyes finally opening to the wonderful world God created.  I managed to pull A's instead of F's for the first time. Graduating second in my class a big change from being worst in a school. 

Trials still happen as I walk this life with both good and bad occurring. But by staying close to Christ I know I'm always safe and no matter how much I go through he is there with me. He gave me a wonderful wife and kids. Many of my old friends went to jail and now those still living are absorbed in alcoholism or drugs still trapped. Today I no longer quiver at God's word but it refreshes me and gives me joy.  Everything I gave up for Christ was nothing compared to the great gain I found in Jesus. 

May this be a blessing to whoever reads it,

George 

Here are some verses that may help you? I know they did me.

Does God love me? 1 John 4:9,10 (yes) In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him.

What does Jesus ask of us? Luke 5:32  I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Can Jesus forgive me? 1 John 1:9 (yes) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

What do I have to do? Romans 10:13 (ask) FOR WHOSOEVER SHALL CALL UPON THE NAME OF THE LORD SHALL BE SAVED.

How shall I ask? Romans 10:9,10 (Believing) That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

The Holy Bible gives many many more encouraging words I suggest searching it with prayer and study. Seek and you will find.